23 Dream).

I’ve met up with my family at a gathering in some large, densely-packed room at a house in Pennsylvania. At some point, I notice Claire is there, too, standing against the wall. I haven’t seen or spoken to her in years. So I walk up to her, and as we talk and interact, her state of body and mind concerns me.

She is incredibly skinny, very frail-looking, and speaks in this sort of baby voice. She doesn’t seem to be all there mentally, either. As we speak, she mostly whispers in my ear to talk. She tells me she’s an alcoholic. That she came down here to get into a program, to go to a special school.

She begins kissing me on the lips, which eventually prompts me to deeply kiss her. This surprises her and she pulls back after a moment, seemingly embarrassed. Behind me, I see some woman, maybe in her 50s, looking in our direction in a very disapproving manner, and I suddenly feel guilty over the public display of affection.

There’s some other guy we both know with us now and suddenly, without warning, Claire tries to reach her hand down his pants, but we both stop her.

“We used to date,” she says, suggesting that, to her mind, this made it okay. I try to make her understand that if she did this, it would be bad, and that it would perhaps me many years before she could look back on it and see it as funny in retrospect.

Then I wake up.

I grab the yellow notebook nearby, and try to commit the dream to writing before the details fade. I get distracted by the actual party, however, and after it’s over and everyone leaves, I leave to walk home. I kept getting lost and trapped, however. I was trapped in a pit surrounded by garbage at some point, trying to get out, and then found myself trapped in fenced-off areas in what seemed to be backyards.

I finally got out my cell and called my dad, but failed the first time. The second time, he picked up, but he speaks in an ominous tone and in a cryptic way that seems to suggest he’s angry that I’ve forgotten something, or have failed to realize something.

I asked if they could pick me up. He asked if it was Wednesday, and then said that maybe we should wait until midnight. As I wake up — again — I’m uttering aloud a perplexed and frustrated, “What?”

A dream within a dream. Again.

I grab the yellow notebook — again.

My mind is a fucking Chinese Box.

Relationships, Doomsday, & UFOs (Another Collection of Dreams).

2/2/24

Its nighttime and BB has a tree house in my parents backyard. When you go inside, there’s a hatch on the ceiling that gives you access to a scope, almost like you’d get on a submarine, and it allows you to see off into the distance. As we’re in the treehoise, we see these kids come by in this crazy, futuristic-lookomg flying car. There are two guys in the front seats, I believe, and two hot girls in the back.

At some point I get separated by my family and get held up in this building near the treehouse. I have something like a CB radio and I thought I heard my father’s voice. I try to think what my call sign would be, and decide on Bald Eagle. As I’m considering what my father’s would be, someone interrupts my chain of thought.

I’m uncertain if the following was part of the same dream or an altogether different one, but I’m feeling angry, so I go into the art room — like the old art room back in high school — to gather paints with the intention of going to paint in the woods. As I’m doing so, my mother comes in the door, approaching me, wanting to talk. She tells me she’s experienced strange things throughout her life, too. I sense she’s trying to connect with me, but I just won’t have it.

“No,” I tell her. “You had your chance to listen to my experiences. I’m going into the woods alone.”

She then leaves, and K.B. comes in the door. Sge gives me one of her epic, rejuvenating hugs. As she does so, I feel something wet on my thumb, and look down to realize I’ve gotten this sky blue paint on her. It’s smeared on my thumb. She hugs me tighter and neither of us let go as we just glide down the street. At the end of the street, in a yard, there is a sign that says, “No Smoking,” and my sense is that it’s in reference to weed. She assures me the sign is just sarcasm. She wants me to come with her to go see someone, though I don’t recall who.

In another dream, my parent’s black shepard is staying over at my apartment and he someone finds a white ball by the lamp in the corner of the room. Looking outside, I think to myself that I shoukd get him a leash so that at the very least he can play in the grassy area outside my apartment complex. My father buys some dog food fir me to feed him and I realize how expensive it woukd be to own a pet.

2/9/24

This girl — who is at once NB, a girl I knew from high school, and KAA, an ex-girlfriend’s cousin — hangs out with us and asks me if she can touch my face like she did “that one time.” I allow it, closing my eyes as she does so. She touches my face very lightly, very seductively. It’s incredibly relaxing and hypnotic. I fall asleep but remain aware and I can hear myself snoring.

In another dream, one of the apartments my friends are staying in was flooded. The maintenance guys arrive, all wearing blue coveralls, and one of them looks at me strangely. He had trained me, but I’d quit the job.

The situation with the flooding almost feels like an apocalyptic scenario, as people collect themselves into groups. My group was planning on taking a trip somewhere, but we’re all in the kitchen when my paternal grandmother calls it off in a very dramatic, over-the-top fashion. She’s freaking out. She then calls some man on the phone and tells him how she thinks she may have touched or ate some food to which she had an allergic reaction.

2/10/24

Went out with KM to some place, doing yoga and rubbing each other’s backs. I needed cigarettes, Circle K had closed. Walk all over town. When I come back, I don’t see her. I see JW in dreads. I also see MM, who is celebrating her birthday, but it’s not November, so I’m confused but say happy birthday anyway.

Eventually I end up sharing bed with girl I’m not initially attracted to but sge flirts and cuddles with me. She says that if her kids wake up to act natural, like we weren’t doing anything. Later she takes off her shirt and her body looks like a ripped man’s abs and it immedeately turned me off, disgusted me. A guy nearby the bed sitting on a chair looks at her looking at herself in mirror and goes, “You’re hot.”

Her kids are three girls, one of whom is mentally retarded.

I go into a closet and put on a Johnny the Homicidal Maniac T-shirt at some point.

2/11/24

In this short dream scene, I see the upper legs and vagina of a girl, as if she’s laying down and spread for me on a table. I’m about to stick it in her when I decide to instead lick around her inner thighs before doing so. She thanks me.

2/12/24

I woke up to the sound of music. I got up out of bed, ran into my living room, and turned off my phone by my laptop — but it hadn’t happened in my home reality. This was a false awakening.

2/13/24

KH, the general manager at work, comes over. Evidently we’re celebrating Christmas, even though it’s not Christmas. I feel bad because I hadn’t been informed abd so didn’t get anyone gifts, though I notice she had gotten me one.

2/15/24

I’m talking to Jon Stewart, telling him I liked his show in Apple, but that he’s at his best on The Daily Show. He kept turning everything into a joke when I was trying to have serious conversation with him and compliment him, though, and it got frustrating.

Elsewhere, we’re at work when BR asks me if I want her to make me a list of girls — presumably those I should have sex with. She says that she’ll do it so long as she can be on the list. Then she starts kissing me. They’re just pecks on the lips, but she keeps doing it again and again. It’s nice. She’s still at it when my alarm awakens me.

2/17/24

I’m walking around a dog on a leash, and at one point the caveman — one of the troublesome regulars at work — pets my dog, but there’s a boundary between us, and I begrudgingly let him.

There was a point in the dream where I was in some town and just sat down on a curb. I just felt myself inside and realized that I had never achieved the maturity others at my age or even far younger had. They had let go of childhood, sacrificed all those qualities and immersed themselves in the outer world, chasing relationships and careers, worrying about taking the kids to school, keeping up with oil changes for their vehicle. Me, I just had no desire for any of that. It’s like they had additions, external structures I didn’t have, and I felt that sense of being immature, so far behind, like I’d just fucked up what could have been and it was too late now.

2/18/24

It’s the apocalypse. There was something about kids from a clone facility, but I’m not sure if that was the cause.

People rushed the markets. I’m there with KH, my store manager from work, and I grab two boxes of granola bars.

“Why?” She asks.

“Protein,” I tell her, stuff it in my shirt, and exit the door. Despite it being the end of the workd and all, I still feel guilty fir stealing, I tell her.

I pack up my things and I’m on a plane for awhile. Some areas are trashed, others are not. The bathroom was trashed, but I had to pee. Afterward I discovered that one of the boxes wasn’t granola but these sugary bars.

There is a large group of us outside, on the move. There are black guys with berets and large guns marching in front, and we’re either behind or to the side. I suddenly think of RB, who’s probably held up at home. As a prepper person, he’s made for this. A while back, he said he’d accept me as part of his group but I don’t think he’d accept my group and I can’t just abandon them.

2/19/24

In a building, a robot turns on, picks up a metal drum and opens it. I am inside. I had been put in suspended animation during a zombie apocalypse, and as I exit the littered building, I see zombies still wriggling on nooses.

I’m outside when a large, humanoid alligator-person dressed in cloths appears behind me, and he looks frightening, but when I turn to face him he instantly transforms into a small alligator no bigger than my hand. I then put him in a plastic container and he turns into this purple liquid.

2/24/24

I’m arguing with my mother, screaming at her in a rage.

3/2/24

It’s nighttime. The blackest of conceivable black. Cloudless and entirely absent of light pollution during the deepest, most dead hours of night.

My family and I are just outside my parents’ house, and I’m meandering about their beautiful, rural property, watching the crystalline clear night sky, bathing in its cosmic beauty. I think it was the eldest of my two younger sisters, the middle child, that first drew our attention to them: these strange lights above, dancing in the heavens. As soon as all our eyes were brought to the skies, they began producing these bizarre, hypnotic displays. Veering across the full length of the property, they executed these breathtaking aerobatics and luminous, seemingly miraculous acts in this grand light show far above our silly, dumbstruck heads.

All of us are utterly captivated. We watch them with increasing enthusiasm and elevating, entranced attention, drawn into their ominous and unearthly beauty. Investing more focus than we would if we were witnessing something even as awesome as a meteor shower, fireworks display, or those heavenly, truly illuminating lighting storms above the forest lining the front yard that we always enjoyed observing from the safety of the garage, from out its open door, when my sisters and I were young.

After an enduring period of total psychological absorption, I finally break from the trace long enough to realize how important it is to document this profound experience. How mindless I had been until this moment. Until now. So I grab my phone, open it, tap video, and try to record the astounding, otherworldly light display that our eyes had for so long been permitted to behold.

Yet I simply couldn’t catch it. However much I tried, I always seemed to fail. It was so real, but yet again, I had no documentation. Nothing even approximating substantial evidence. Nothing tangible to hold onto.

And with that frustration, the dream ended.

A Collection of Recent Dreams, Part II.

1/14/24

We find what we initially take to be an elaborately-carved ancient stone wall. I then find a piece of metal that, when inserted into a hole beneath the wall and twisted, opens what turns out to be two stone doors. Inside is a radio and other mechanical devices.

1/15/24

I live alone in an apartment and a dog — a Corgi — that I’ve owned for a long time but had entirely forgotten about turns up. As I’m petting him, I think about buying dog food and a leash so I can take him on walks. I begin to wonder how on earth he survived all this time without me feeding him and how I somehow hadn’t noticed his presence this whole time — though I didn’t question how I’d managed to forget I’d had him, strangely enough.

1/16/24

A.L.’s mother leaves A.L. and I new weed vape pens (the squareish kind) with new carts. She left them in this room with a couch and a coffee table so her and I could hang out, spend some quality time, and get high as fuck. I consider finishing the vape cart I already have before starting the new one.

1/18/24

There’s a baseball stuck in the pool table and someone asks me to get it out. I manage to get it out of the hole, but the other balls are still stuck even deeper inside. I keep finding clumps of differently-colored clay deep inside the pockets, obstructing the path of the billiard balls, and I manage to release them, though only one at a time. In the midst of doing this, I look towards a doorway and see a clay statue on the floor. It looks like two bent legs with a penis in the middle. Disturbed, I ask if that’s what I think it is. I’m told that it is.

Elsewhere in the dream, or perhaps in a different one, I’m walking along the crowded streets during some sort of a celebration. I see J.M., and her and I kiss, but I seem to be doing all the work.

1/21/24

I’m driving down the highway and suddenly there are hot women and horses everywhere.

Later, my father picks me up and we go driving as I sift through the newspaper, looking for a coupon he wanted. I can’t find it. I find that we’ve gotten two newspapers by accident and that the postman has left handwritten directions inside.

I’m eager to get home, go to the bathroom and read my book in private, so I open the car door and just walk there. Right outside the apartment complex there are people from work outside (like the breakfast coordinator), lined alongside the flooded sidewalk, selling things at tables. Someone I know begins walking alongside me and I’m telling them how I don’t want to kids, I want a dog.

I finally get to my apartment, I’m finally alone, but there are people looking in through the windows of the bedroom. I get into the bathroom, hoping people can’t see through the windows lining the ceiling of the bathroom. I sit down but suddenly my wife appears at one of the open windows of the bathroom and she’s there with our newborn baby. She holds up the infant so we can see each other and then looks in at me herself. I then drag her down to me and kiss her on the lips.

1/27/24

I live in a city, and I’ve been trying to quit smoking, maybe drinking as well. At some point I discover that walking through particular doors will allow me to walk back and forth through time and space — different times, different locations.

The last place I went to seemed familiar. I had been here first as a kid, and the last time in my 20s or 30s, or at least that’s what I told my guide when I came across her. My family was having a tour at the moment, elsewhere in the building, and she just assumed I had strayed (though strangely didn’t notice my advanced age). The news that my family was here unnerved me, as I didn’t want to bump into my younger self.

She left me alone for a bit outside the wooded building on the porch, where I knew there was a false floor and a hidden compartment. I opened it, but it was just filled to the brim with junk now.

I strayed out into the yard, out to this little cliff with a wooded structure like an old gazebo at the bottom, within which was a stone, with a creek just beyond it, I think. I knew I has childhood memories associated with the area, but I couldn’t access them. I was going to go down there, but I saw others in the area so decided against it.

I went back into the building, walking through various doors, hoping to find the right one to take me back to my time before the guide caught me or I bumped into mh younger self. I was getting rather frantic, but I finally found the right door and got home. There I spoke with someone else, giving him intelligence, it seemed. It appears I had been on a mission of some kind.

1/28/24

I had two black cats, one with blue eyes, one with green eyes.

1/29/24

I’m on my back, fully clothed, and H.H. is naked, laying atop me. It’s clear she wants to get it on and is frustrated that she can’t, as she has a boyfriend. Then we reposition and she sort of lays in my arms while I’m in a sitting position, and we’re hugging, and while I’m a good boy for the most part, I do lightly slap her ass.

Then I wake up.

I’m confused, because she’s gone and there’s a depression in the bed where she was. It must have been a dream.

I also hear something playing on my phone — a soft, sexy, hypnotic, barely discernable female voice. Looking at my phone, I see a timer and it’s closely approaching zero.

I turn off the timer and stop the voice coming through my phone, but I think I can also hear it coming from downstairs. When I open my bedroom door, three cats barge in and jump on my bed. I then go back to sleep, cuddling with them.

Then I wake up. This time for real. Presumably.

The message? Not only can I not get laid in my dreams, but even in the dreams I have within my dreams.

The cats at the end of the dream, though? It makes me think my unconscious is just mocking me now.

“What’s that? You want pussy? Here’s three.”

1/30/24

Early on in the dream, I’m outside having a pinic on the ground and the eldest of my two younger sisters is there. She keeps talking iver me, disregarding me, and I become enraged, verbally cruel, and violently destroy and scatter her food.

Later, there is a guy in a mask cleaning the sink faucet of my parents’ upstairs bathroom with a toothbrush, so I go into my room. Upon looking in the mirror I discover, to my confusion, that I have long, dark, thick hair and a dark goatee and mustache, just as I had when I was younger.

I go back to the bathroom and find the guy is gone. I look.into the bathroom mirror and find that I now have short, gray hair. I look away, look back, and I have this blue crap on my face around my eyes. I look back, I have a pig nose and monstrous features. Every time I look away and look back, it’s something different, and it’s starting to freak me out.

Of Lights in the Sky & a Disembodied Voice (1/13/24 Dream).

1/13/24

A large number of us live in a large area that’s made entirely out of concrete. There are no windows. There is no sky. We refer to it as a concrete jungle. We think we might be in an asteroid for some reason, but when we manage to break out we discover it’s some underground structure beneath some guys house.

Once I’m outside I hide behind sone trees and watch as others emerge, one by one. Then I’m on the run, being chased by helicopters, because “they” want all of us back in the bunker for some reason.

In another dream, I’m again with a large group of people and we’re sleeping over in a big house. In the middle of the night, someone wakes me up and tells me to come outside.

Between a set of trees, nearby what seems to be a cliff, what I feel are my family members and I all watch the sky in amazement as millions of streaking “stars” slowly glide down from the sky, all side-by-side. The sky is filled with them entirely. It’s psychedelic, surreal, colorful. Beaitiful. Its reminiscent of a Van Gough painting.

I remember having heard this was going to happen, I think through my cousin. Later I heard an announcer on the radio talk about how “they’re here.”

It may or may not have been a part of the same dream, but I decide to take a bath upstairs but then decide to use a secret passageway to get to the downstairs bathroom to use the shower instead. I do this for the sole purpose of frustrating C.S., the boyfriend of B.R., who I know wants to shower. Unlike he is in real life, in this dream C.S. is a well-dressed, well-manicured prick, though.

S.N. swings by in a car driven by a chauffeur and it has a big bed in the back. I go inside and she tells me she did something bad. I tell her it can’t be that bad and this somehow leads to us making out for awhile.

At some point shortly thereafter in the back of her bed-car, a disembodied male voice tells me to write this dream down. So I pull out my notebook and see dreams written down that I didn’t remember dreaming and certainly didn’t remember writing. There were also a series of intricately drawn block-like designs, each of which seemed to cryptically reveal a single letter. They were cool and I didn’t remember having drawn them. If they spelled out a word or message, it didn’t occur to me.

When the voice then proceeded to ask me if I’d already documented the “lights in the sky” dream in writing, I confessed that I hadn’t, and he got very upset, sounded very disappointed in me, so I woke up in bed and began documenting that dream or dream scene and all the others I could recall.

Which was kind of weird.

A Collection of Recent Dreams, Part I.

11/18/23

I’m asleep in a bed positioned in the back of a moving bus or RV, but no one is driving. My sense is that it’s on autopilot, but the thing proceeds to drive off a cliff and I can feel the falling sensation.

11/19/23

I appear to be the leader of a small village in a post-apocalyptic world. I bring a lady in, ropes around her arms like handcuffs, and put her in the jail cell. I know she could easily break out, though at the same time feel confident she will comply and accept her punishment.

Later, at nighttime, I go outside to sit around a small campfire and notice the same lady sitting nearby in a chair. I’m livid. I knew she hadn’t broken out herself, so I bark, “Who let her out?”

As soon as I say it, she gets up and someone starts escorting her back to her cell.

“There’s a chain of command,” I bark to everyone.

11/23/23

M.G. (a guy I used to go to school with who is currently a Satanist) conducts a ritual with me, and at the end of it has me take his welcome mat outside.

12/1/23

I’m at work and people keep accidentally setting fires. It first happened to one of the fryer vats in the kitchen, and I managed to put that one out, but they keep occurring at multiple locations behind the counter for various reasons, so I’m running around trying to put them all out one by one. Eventually I come to wonder if my efforts are in vain and these fires are inevitable — if the destiny of the store, no matter how much I tried to stop it from happening, was to just burn down, and that was that.

12/30/23

I’m dating R. from work, and though I keep thinking about it, I never seem to get around to having sex with her. Nor am I sure I want anyone to know we’re dating. At the end of the dream, I go into store to get beer but accidentally pick up Natural Light, which I find disgusting, and break part of plastic holding cans together in the process. Then I put it back and get my usual Labatt Ice.

1/2/23

I’m in a building in some city, standing in a long line to get food. I ask for tortillas but they tell me they ran out. I then exited the building for some reason and when I came back inside I got lost. I couldn’t find my way back to the resteraunt or cafeteria I had been in.

When I’m in either a basement ir one of the lower levels if the building I encounter this glob of water maybe the size if a golf ball just levitating in the air. Curious, I watch it fir a moment and then put my hand through it in the form of a horizontal karate chop and it disperses.

As I continue trying to find my way back to the resteraunt, I pass by two women passing by a third woman, with one of the two women who are going upstairs talking about a seance she’s going to attend.

Suddenly the dream seems to cut to a scene from a movie, apparently one based on a Stephen King novel. It’s a side view of John Lithgow sitting on a bed in a dimly lit room with this tall, skinny guy standing nearby. Someone, possibly Lithgow, says, “You opened a portal to hell.” At that point, the skinny guy seems to get sucked into this invisible vortex at the center of his chest: First his torso, then head, legs, and arms.

Watching this, I remember thinking that Lithgow was in a previous Stephen King movie and wondered if he played a cross-over character in this one.

1/5/24

In one short scene, I see a car wreck between three vehicles, one of which looked like the SUV owned by J.D., a friend from work.

In a more enduring dream, I visited my youngest sister after walking down to a park near where my parents live (one with “Hell” in the name). In perhaps the same dream, I’m driving during the day when my vehicle slows and then stops. Nothing works. I tried to find the hazard lights and put them on. Nothing.

1/9/24

A young boy and girl visit a house with two brothers, one of whom doesn’t have legs and moves around by crawling. The young girl is curious about a hatch in the house and where it leads. She asks everyone, but no one seems to be nearly as curious as her. It continues to plague her as she grows older.

1/11/24

Dinosaurs are destroying everything. I see a stegasaurus attack a building or vehicle with my own eyes. A small group and I are hiding not just from the dinosaurs, but people as well, and eventually find a small, cramped room to hide in. I see the door opening, then slam it shut with my foot.

Of Ghosts & Gray Alien Costumes (12/3/23 Dream).

It’s a Halloween celebration and I’m in a town close to where my parents live, where my friends and I would often meet up when we were in our teens and twenties. With me are my old friends Channing and Moe, and as we were walking around each of us recieved a packages. Upon opening them, we found that they were inflatable mask and costume combos that we were expected to wear. Each was of a Gray alien, though in different colors, with mine being a gray-green, I think. Channing put his on, but then disappeared, and then Moe put his on.

Moe and I ended up in this shed with large windows that reminded me of a bigger version of my mother’s new greenhouse and we sat at a large table that took up most of the room. There, I inflated my costume, but from what I recalled I never put it on, though I did think I had lost it for a moment only to find it had merely fell off the other side of the table.

Also sitting at the table was my old friend, Gibbles, and I told him how if all went well I’d be moving into town the following year. He went on to explain how there are ghosts in town and how they manifest in one of two ways. When he mentioned that they sometimes manifest as smoke in the air, I found it peculiar that I immedeately got a clear image in my mind of a plume of smoke sort of hovering over my bed at home.

Others, he said, look like a stream of water in the air, and he moved his arm to simulate the motion. I told him I’d be moving into a new trailer — implying that the place wouldn’t be haunted. He seemed interested or amused by that piece of information for some reason; the look he gave me was curious.

At some point, though I can’t recall when, I remember thinking that I might live in this shed, though quickly dismissed the idea. With these huge windows, I’d feel too exposed.

November Dreams.

11/5/23

A group of people who lived in a mansion invited us over. It was huge, on a large, beautiful plot of land, and there were a series of large stone steps that zig-zagged up the large hill the mansion rested upon.

While inside, I went into a hot tub but forgot that I had my cigarettes and phone in my pocket. The cigarettes were ruined, though there were only a few left in the box, and though the phone’s screen was cracked and it was bent in half, it held together, flip-phone style. And while the phone still worked to some degree, it reverted to an old screen I used to have on a former phone long, long ago and I couldn’t call anyone to come pick me up. I tried to run outside in hopes that Margie from work hadn’t left yet and I coukd maybe hitch a ride, but she was gone. Once back inside, I tried to use the steps to go upstairs, but they don’t go anywhere and I’m confused.

11/7/23

I’m sitting on a toilet in a stall in a public restroom, but the stall is like a narrow hallway with no door on the end. Just outside the stall, to the right and outside my field of vision, is my friend, Moe. Then a girl comes in — sister to his ex-friend and a girl he used to occasionally fuck. She was and is porn-star beautiful and has the sex drive that makes that association difficult to dispell. She’s also fairly intelligent and I always enjoyed talking to her. She asks for a kiss from Moe, and they subsequently kiss — just a brief peck and outside my line of sight. Then she approaches me in the stall and as we’re talking, she tells me how she doesn’t have a phone because she doesn’t have any friends, which I found difficult to believe.

Though I hadn’t invested much thought in it, I found it curious the other day about the theme of phones having emerged in my last two — and now three — dreams and wondered what it meant. First was my false awakening, dream-within-a-dream on the 4th, then the dream the following day, and now this one. Here, however, she gave me the answer, which my subsequent internet searching and contemplation seemed to confirm. Given that everyone has their cell phone on them nowadays, where we can call and text each other and interact on social media, the phone has become a symbol of connection to others.

11/9/23

In a crowded area inside a large building, I’m pissing into this bowl higher than your average bathroom sink. As I’m doing so, some guy reaches his arm across me and I piss on him — and intentionally, though in such a way it could be passed off as an accident. I continue peeing, yet don’t notice until I don’t hear the process for awhile that I’m pissing in such a way that it ricocheted back onto my pants.

I see Zeke (some annoying guy I used to work with who I haven’t seem in years) nearby afterward and I tell him that if this other guy (the one I peed on) says another thing to me that I’m going to pick up a nearby pencil and stab him with it. The guy then proceeds to say something else to me and Zeke just looks at me eagerly. “No interest in stopping me?” I ask.

Elsewhere, I’m putting together this rolling shelving unit with all my work on it — papers and so on — but it’s not holding together well, and I struggle to keep it sranding straight and from falling apart completely. As I do this, my boss explains to another worker how their work had dropped in quality, and it’s said in a very dramatic fashion.

11/11/23

I’m walking in a city when I hear gunshots and see people dropping, so I quickly try to hide in this narrow crevice, but I only fit halfway. So I just sort of lay there for awhile, playing dead. After awhile, feeling the coast was clear, I got up and fled the scene, and as I ran down this narrow alleyway, I passed by a person who was just casually walking around and it blew my mind.

11/12/23

On my birthday, I took a nap maybe around noon. At first, I kept falling into false awakenings and waking up again, and while it happened a few times, I only recall one in particular. I had walked into my dark bathroom, felt my new underwear and was confused to find it had padding like a goddamn diaper. Then I woke up.

When I finally managed to remain asleep, I had a dream that we went vacationing to my paternal grandfather’s house. I know we left and then I returned alone at one point, eventually joined by the others, but I don’t recall if the following scene happened there or not.

In any case, I’m alone one moment in a huge room in this house that seemed largely made of stained wood, but the next moment people start crowding in through the door upstairs and coming down the steps — and many remain on the stairs, either standing or sitting.

My attention became drawn towards an Indian woman who was meditating with a pleasant look on her face and she floated from where sge was on the stairs, slowly over the railing and then slowly down the side. I suddenly noticed that to my right there stood an Indian man who seemed angry I was watching her.

I finally decided to climb the stairs, weaving around people as I did so. When I made it to the first step there was a friendly guy sitting there in a black shirt and he made some comment about me being there that I don’t recall, and then told me that this was a leadership meeting, or leadership training, or something like that.

I said, “Oh, that’s what this is about.”

He said this was a strange town and seemed to want to tell me about it, but I was in a hurry.

A Prison of Amnesia & Illusions (11/4/23 Dreams).

I. Lab Rats.

The entire dream seemed to be about us all going in these circles, these cycles, we were placed within by a higher force or intelligence, but we also somehow seemed to be physically bound to a locale as well. Most centrally among my companions was this girl I knew from childhood who used to live across the street from our suburban home. Her and I kissed at some point in the dream and began developing something as these cycles continued.

At one point as her and I were walking along a forest-lined road, I discover that she didn’t recall having ever gone to the beach with me or anything about our budding relationship, and that other events that had happened seemed lost to her as well. The rest of us came to the conclusion that “they” had taken away some of her memories, leaving her with only selected ones, and that this whole thing — the routine, being trapped in this place — was about them testing on and studying us like lab rats.

After I awoke from the dream, as my eyes were still closed and I was going over it, trying to remember all of it, it reminded me for some reason of the movie, The Forgotten, though it took some searching on the net for me to finally find the title of the movie after I got up around 9:30. As I reflected more on the dream after being awake, though, I found it reminded me more of Dark City, which I ended up finding on the net and watching.

Afterward, still feeling tired, I decided to lay back in bed sometime after one in the afternoon, do some relaxation exercises, and try and take a nap. I woke up at about twenty after two after having had a strange experience on the dreamscape.

II. “I Know This Isn’t Real.”

I’m looking everywhere, all around my parents property for two things, neither of which I can find, so I start walking around the block. Interestingly enough, I found one of the items — the wheelbarrow — alongside a dirt road maybe halfway around the block. As to how it got there, I could only assume that someone had stolen it.

I began walking with it back home, but then saw what I recognized as my parents old porch swing a few paces away on the other side of the road. After thinking back for a moment, I thought I recalled her telling one of the neighbors they could have it, so I surmised that this must be the neighbor in question. I then noticed a land line right by the swing with the phone off the hook. With some struggle, as it wouldn’t latch at first, I managed to put it back on the holder.

Finally making it back to my parent’s long driveway, I begin walking as the day descends into night. As I began to approach the house I suddenly realized I didn’t have the wheelbarrow with me. I felt confused, embarrassed, and a little frightened about what I assumed had to have been my absent-mindedness, and walked back down to the end of the driveway to discover that I had indeed left it there.

Once I finally get back to the house, it’s dark, and walk inside. My mother and sister, Eve, are there, talking amongst one another and not even acknowledging my existence. I try to tell my mother about the wheelbarrow, but whatever I do, I can’t seem to get her attention — she just keeps ignoring me and talking to Eve. After the third attempt, I scream, “Fuck it, fine,” and walk around the dining room table, which finally gets her attention.

As I then proceed to walk into the kitchen, where she stands, I scream that I’ve been trying to tell her about something but she won’t listen, and I’ve tried getting her attention three fucking times now. I’m furious. All this hassle and confusion trying to find the wheelbarrow and I can’t get her to even pay attention to me long enough to tell her.

At any rate, as I’m yelling at her in the kitchen she finally looks at me, the first time since I walked in the door, and she just looks me in the eyes and flicks me off before turning around again. In response, I hold up both my middle fingers and stick them in her line of sight.

“Two for you,” I say. “I found your fucking wheel barrow.”

Shorrly thereafter, I sit down on the floor in front of the television with Eve beside me a short distance away, I think on a chair. Then my mother comes in and sits beside me, deliberately hitting me with her knee as she does so. I don’t react. I just sit there angrily, hand on my chin, trying to ignore her, staring at the screen on the boxy television on the floor, just stewing, steaming.

Suddenly, for whatever reason, I begin to suspect that somethings incredibly off about all this. That it was all an illusion, all a dream. For a moment I called myself crazy, as my vision was so damn clear, but I soon became absolutely convinced.

That was when I turned to my “mother,” grabbed her by the shoulders, and screamed as loud as I could, with all the rage swelling in me, “I know this isn’t real,” but no voice came out. I screamed it louder, and this time I could hear it, however faint, but the dream darkens, fades, and for a moment it feels as though I’m in that otherworldly Void I often go to during my astral projections.

Then I wake up.

I’m downstairs at my parents house and the family is around me. My mother wants to say something to me, but I politely tell her to wait a second, as I have to piss. While I do need to pee, it’s also because I want to write down the dream I just had on my phone before my memory of it fades.

First, though, I have to piss, and as I race to the bathroom stuff falls out of my pocket. I decide to pick it up later. Once inside, I pull down my pants but become utterly confused when I see my boxer shorts. They have sort of a patchwork pattern, though the biggest patch is red-colored with tiny white hearts on it.

I’d never buy this. I’d never wear it.

In any case, I start to piss, but accidentally piss on my father’s shirt, which for some reason was draped over the toilet seat.

Something seems off about all this, I think to myself. I can hear my parents outside the door, talking to each other about the trailer they’re helping me move into next August, but by the time I finish up and exit the bathroom, they’re already upstairs, preparing to go to bed.

I pick up the things that fell out of my pocket — some money rolls to roll some change of mine — and then remember that I wanted to write down that dream, but I left my phone in the bathroom, so I walk back in. I’m shocked to find the toilet’s no longer there. In its place is my old computer chair, which had broke. I inspect it, however, only to discover that it’s no longer broken.

“I’m not still fucking dreaming…?”

As soon as I say it, I wake up in bed.

Invaders to Mars (10/24/23 Dream).

I went to bed sometime after five in the morning, did some relaxation exercises to help inspire what I hoped would be a deep, restful sleep, and then went on to have another nightmare.

If I was intentionally a stowaway, I certainly had no idea where I’d end up, and was rather surprised to find I’d accidentally been sent to a colony on Mars. Once I’m discovered, a kind woman meets with me and tells me that the colony was a secret project run through my old college that had apparently been rumored for years, or so she said, though I’d never heard such rumors.

They all lived in huge, clear domes, and as the woman, apparently in the lead, tells me excitedly about it, I compared it to one of those independent communities an old friend told me about, something akin to a hippy commune, though these weren’t hippies. As a matter of fact, I remember being rather frightened and frustrated over the fact that I may not be able to even smoke cigarettes here.

The general message seemed to be that I was stuck here now, though it wasn’t because they were holding me prisoner or anything like that. It didn’t seem to bother me, though, and she said that she’d set me up in a place. I told her how I imagined it may be here on Mars sometime in the near future if we can terraform the planet and make the atmosphere breathable.

Now it’s suddenly some time later, perhaps years later, and we recieved word of an imminent alien invasion. Everyone’s freaking out and uncertain what to do. I pack what I find most valuable of my possessions in my book bag, at least what I can think of at such short notice, which amounts to books I still wanted to read or might want to read again.

We all watch out from a large window in our high building — something akin to an apartment building, it seems — and down into the dimly-lit courtyard, anticipating their arrival with fear. Then, out of the darkness, we finally see one. My first impression was that it was shaped like a seal. It’s a rather smooth, featureless, and flat creature, however — not two-dimensional, mind you, but flat in the way Gumby is flat. It’s colored pitch black and is utterly devoid of eyes, a nose, or a mouth. It just looks like a flat, featureless seal-shaped thing with two small fin-like protrubances on the side, lifting its body up as the bottom third of it remained flat on the ground, seemingly slithering along. It sounds ridiculous, but the sight of the thing inspired a feeling of terror.

After seeing it slither out of the darkness, we all got away from the window, fearing it might see us despite its apparent lack of eyes. Shortly thereafter, there was a crash as something was thrown through the window. Looking on the floor, I see it, and it looks like a molten rock, maybe the size of a baseball, resting inside of a shallow little cup or bowl made of cloth just slightly bigger than the rock itself. Though we all understood it shouldn’t be touched or moved, one guy tried to grab it anyway and suffered instant agony. For whatever reason, I then poured water on it and heard it sizzle.

More rocks were thrown, I believe, and that’s when we all panicked and exited the room to find another place to hide. Along the way I picked up one of these large, flimsy metal sheets that were nearby, as they were the closest thing to a shield I could find. I feared getting hit by one of those things.

We were well down the hallway, almost to a more secure hiding place, when I realized I’d left my book bag back in the room. I made the insane decision to turn around and go back for it, but someone stopped me, and we then continued to proceed to another room.

As we were hiding there, waiting for one of the seal-things to come up the stairs, we discovered something on the floor that looked like a big black slug without antennae, maybe as long as my forearm. It seemed like a tiny version of the seal-thing, but without the flippers and the apparent ability to lift its “head” from the floor. Much like the molten rock, we all knew not to touch it, but a dog that looked a lot like my parents black Shephard did and suffered immedeately. A nearby cat touched it as well, but only briefly, which seemed to inflict less damage.

My fear at this point, for some reason, became so great that I instinctively pulled myself out of the dream. I took a moment to collect myself and then grabbed the notebook beside my bed and began taking notes. It was about 8:20 in the morning.

After I went back to bed maybe twenty minutes later, after calming down a bit, there were quick flashes of what seemed to be a continuation of the dream — with a giant, white and gray human-looking creature with a big nose that looked like Muppet from the mind of Jim Henson breaking through the wall and other flashes I can’t recall — but it didn’t seem to truly align with the original dream.

In any case, there was a point where I woke up from a dream into another dream in which I thought I was awake. I was in a dark room and spoke with my mother. I told her I had another alien invasion dream and she suggested that I gather all the dreams together and make them into a book.

UFO Logo & A Painfully Bright Light (9/12/23 Dream).

In the dream, I see a simple image, almost like a logo. It’s a dome with at least three lines jutting out from its underside. Like the icon for high beams on your car, but with the curved part of the half circle pointed upward and far fewer lines. My initial sense was that it was meant to convey a UFO, but given what happened next, maybe it was meant to reference high beams after all.

From behind or around the logo there is a shimmering white light that grows so bright and painfully blinding that I’m jolted out of the dream. In bed, I’m on my back and I’m holding my arm over my eyes as if to shield myself from the light.