The Surreal Porn Dream (10/26/20).

I awoke feeling as though I’d had a deeper sleep last night than I’ve been having for the past week or two, and that the dreams I had were vivid and intense, even bordering on the surreal. Though my dream recall has been absent as of late, I always wake up knowing I’ve had dreams but feel as though there’s nothing within the reach of my waking consciousness to document. Though I often say this to myself, upon closer inspection, given I invest the required time and effort in it, it always seems that I’m able to remember details of at least a lone scene. Well, I finally did shortly after waking up this morning.

In the salvaged dream scene, I’m sitting before a desk or table in a dark room, my eyes fixed on a computer screen before me, which is playing porn. I’m masturbating with the kind of relentless intensity characteristic of me when I’m doing this while drunk and high. As the momentum builds, however, the porn on the screen begins getting weird, surreal, almost psychedlic and horror-film sort of strange. The face on the screen begins morphing, contorting, staring back at me madly with wild, bulging, unblinking eyes, but I’m too horny now to stop or even look away.

Not the sort of sneak peek into my unconsciously-generated nocturnal meanderings that makes me proud, I should mention, but at least I managed to remember it.

In keeping with the tradition of milking whatever daily dream recall I might have for insights, this dream could potentially suggest I have goals that are out of reach or that I’m distancing myself from them out of fear, and electing to instead live vicariously or through a fantasy world without consequence.

This could also be a variant of my dry-hump dreams, which I haven’t had in awhile, which seemed to suggest a fear of intimacy. If recurring dreams of having sex with cloths on suggests a fear of intimacy, though, it would seem a dream of watching porn — “having sex” vicariously — serves as a sign that the state of affairs are worsening.

I still can’t quite understand the surreal quality of the porn, however — though I did get the sense, even before remembering that scene, that there was a rather surreal, almost psychedelic quality to my dreams last night in general. So whatever it means, it extended beyond that scene.