Paranoia.

As sad and pathetic as it may sound, I’ve been fixated on this girl all week, unable to shake my mind loose of her. Beautiful, dark, complex, interesting, intense. I didn’t see her at all today, and still I couldn’t shake her. I get home, elect not to drink, making it my intent to eat, get high, and watch Netflix before finally getting some sleep. Finally I am distracted. The energy that’s been packed tight inside me all week finally eases.

Then, at almost three o’clock, she Facebook messages me a thumbs up. It says I cannot respond. I go to my Facebook friend’s list, she’s gone. I can’t find her on a mutual friends list, either. What the fuck? Did she delete her profile right after sending me a thumbs up? Did I do something wrong, something to hurt her? Fuck. Is she okay? I keep thinking something devastating happened and I have no way of knowing, at least not until work on Sunday.

Do I get attached to people too quickly? Am I just being paranoid? Am I an asshole?

I hate emotions. Hate them.